so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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