Do you still have your period?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
