girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
