piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
