all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
