the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
