i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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