Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
