u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
