that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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