yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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