Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
