Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
