I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
