You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
