the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
