two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
