dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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