i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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