maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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