ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
