We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
