went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
