covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night