He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.