Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
