i was rollin on her like bob the builder
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???