why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat