Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.

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  (515): She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body. http://tfl.nu/lybk
  Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (2295)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure

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  (814): Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure http://tfl.nu/wzgm
  Replies (16) Good night (791) Bad night (2414)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1310) Bad night (6703)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?

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  (616): whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name? http://tfl.nu/f6w0
  Replies (13) Good night (5243) Bad night (989)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities

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  (315): It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities http://tfl.nu/tqmj
  Replies (11) Good night (5186) Bad night (1560)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.

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  (702): she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves. http://tfl.nu/b0kq
  Replies (12) Good night (4180) Bad night (945)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...

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  (+44): The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad... http://tfl.nu/0y4t
  Replies (5) Good night (825) Bad night (2127)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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  (+61): A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul. http://tfl.nu/nbi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1937) Bad night (524)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.

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  (704): Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood. http://tfl.nu/f31d
  Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Stop reading WebMD high.

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  (813): Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around? (813): Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid? (1-813): Stop reading WebMD high. http://tfl.nu/y2j5
  Replies (6) Good night (1164) Bad night (403)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.

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  (631): You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high. http://tfl.nu/qikm
  Replies (2) Good night (1144) Bad night (441)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.

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  (925): I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King. http://tfl.nu/3lhe
  Replies (2) Good night (787) Bad night (290)
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  (209): View more from California

  I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.

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  (209): I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately. http://tfl.nu/q37y
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (354)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.

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  (44): You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas. http://tfl.nu/b55v
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (190)
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  (212): View more from New York

  be right there i have to get my cape

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  (212): be right there i have to get my cape http://tfl.nu/i9cb
  Replies (2) Good night (768) Bad night (210)

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