I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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