What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Randomize
