Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
