I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
