I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
