So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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