Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
