So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
