This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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