kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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