Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
