He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're like the curious george of whores
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
