i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
