I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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