I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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