You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
