are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
