Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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