Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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