I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
