I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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