HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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