You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
