I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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