Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
