i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
