i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
