While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
