Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
