FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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