i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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