I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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