Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
