the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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