I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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