I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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