I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Randomize
