You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
