saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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