the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
