I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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