Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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