he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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