I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
