Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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