I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
