ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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