apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
