I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
