So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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