I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
50% drunk capacity currently
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
