We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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