I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
