i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
