why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
