I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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