we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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