There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
