The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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