if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Success! We fucked roommates!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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